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RE: Stuff to laugh about |
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| Topic Review |  |
debjame *
Posts:1653
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WendyNC
Moderator
Posts:527
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| 24 Jan 2008 11:00 AM |
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originally posted by Kellie:
This is Why We have HIPPA
* "Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
* "On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."
* "The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."
* "Discharge status: Alive but without permission."
* "Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."
* "The patient refused an autopsy."
* "The patient has no past history of suicides."
* "Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."
* "Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."
* "Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
* "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
* "She is numb from her toes down."
* "While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."
* "The skin was moist and dry."
* "Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."
* "Patient was alert and unresponsive."
* "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."
* "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."
* "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."
* "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."
* "Skin: Somewhat pale but present."
* "Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree."
* "By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart stopped, and he was feeling better."
* "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."
* "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."
* "Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."
* "The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."
* "The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."
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| Wendy Kimbel, ACP, NCCP<br>Paralegal Assistance, Inc.<br>105 E. Center St., Ste. C<br>Mebane, NC 27302<br>Phone: 919-967-4495<br>Fax: 919-304-0743 |
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AAA *
Posts:1653
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| 05 Jan 2008 11:23 PM |
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A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance." |
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AAA *
Posts:1653
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| 05 Jan 2008 11:22 PM |
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A woman is sitting on her couch when her husband bursts through the door and says, "Honey, I won the lottery. Pack your bags!"
The shocked wife says, "Where for? The lake or the mountain?"
He says, "I don't care, just get the heck out." |
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debjame *
Posts:1653
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| 05 Jan 2008 10:57 AM |
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Crisis
There can't be another crisis this week, my schedule is completely full.
Bad Accident
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.
It's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man,that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt.
"This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn't break! Sure God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
The she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle, and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police." |
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debjame
Posts:48
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| 26 Dec 2007 06:17 PM |
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I cleared this with our moderator before posting. Hope you enjoy.
NOTE: CONTAINS LANGUAGE NOT SUITABLE FOR ALL AGE GROUPS
A few days after Christmas a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell "All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause we're leaving." The mother went in and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language in this house." Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language.
Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the trrain, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. Fro those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today. For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen." |
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| Deborah James |
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WendyNC
Moderator
Posts:527
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| 04 Dec 2007 04:46 PM |
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originally posted by Paralegal (non-member post):
These are actual remarks from Doctor charts!
1. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing
me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
7. Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. She is numb from her toes down.
15. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
16. The skin was moist and dry.
17. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
18. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
20. Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.
21. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
27. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
28. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.
29. Patient was found in bed with her power mower.
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| Wendy Kimbel, ACP, NCCP<br>Paralegal Assistance, Inc.<br>105 E. Center St., Ste. C<br>Mebane, NC 27302<br>Phone: 919-967-4495<br>Fax: 919-304-0743 |
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JennifeR
Posts:53
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| 27 Nov 2007 04:42 PM |
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| Funny |
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WendyNC
Moderator
Posts:527
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| 27 Nov 2007 04:13 PM |
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Originally posted by iParalegal:
I saw this on another forum and thought it was funny. I hope it is allowed here. ________________________________________________________________
Gathered together for the first time ever, our tips on how you can be a more effective asshole:
1.) Never respect anyone unless you're sure they could physically beat you up. This includes your own mother, police officers, teachers, the president, your boss and the Pope.
2.) Criticize everything, no matter how mundane or pointless it may be.
Example:
"These fries aren't very fucking crispy!"
3.) Always cut people off, whether you’re talking, driving, or having sex.
4.) Flick cigarette butts at everything—all the time. Even if you don't smoke.
5.) Call everyone you meet by the nickname "Chief."
(Always roll your eyes when you say it.)
Example:
"Yeah, right, whatever you say Chief!" (ROLLS EYES)
For extra emphasis, roll your eyes, say "Chief" and flick a cigarette butt at the same time.
6.) Always precede the word "man" with either "little," "Mr.," or "old."
Examples:
"I don’t think you needed that skateboard Little Man,
and that’s why I backed over it with my Camaro."
"So, Old Man, why don’t you get up out of that wheelchair and MAKE ME!?"
"No, I don’t have my license and registration, Mr. Man."
(Notice: This is especially useful when speaking to someone
you know can not beat you up.)
7.) Noogie every small child you meet until they cry--including newborn babies.
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| Wendy Kimbel, ACP, NCCP<br>Paralegal Assistance, Inc.<br>105 E. Center St., Ste. C<br>Mebane, NC 27302<br>Phone: 919-967-4495<br>Fax: 919-304-0743 |
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